10 Ways to End a Toxic Relationship

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A common mistake many of us make is letting people stick around far longer than they deserve. Toxic people would rather stop speaking to you than apologize when they’re wrong. They do not thank you, compliment you, listen to you, or give you credit. Whether a friend, partner, colleague, or family member, toxic people feel entitled to be disrespectful. 

 “There are many types of toxic relationships such as a controlling or manipulative, negative, self-centred or narcissistic, dishonest, insecure, abusive, blaming or demanding and competitive, and secretive, and dramatic,” says Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist and neurotherapist based in Chicago. Understanding what type of toxic relationship you're in can help you end it in the best way.

1. Recognize that you're in a toxic relationship.

Fran Walfish, PsyD, a psychotherapist based in Beverly Hills, offers the following nine subtle signs of a toxic relationship:

1. They exhibit excessively charming and ingratiating behaviour.
2. They use the silent treatment as a means of control.
3. They force you to mind-read and guess, then act vindictive when you are wrong.
4. They use “poison delegation” (asking you to do something for them, saying they can’t do it for themselves, but whatever you do is met with harsh criticism).
5. They constantly correct you.
6. They lie to you.
7. They use “projective identification” (the abuser treats you as if you did something wrong, and if you deny it, they confirm your behaviour as justification for the accusation).
8. They use sexual manipulation.
9. They use denial to convince you their actions are to help you become a better person.

It is common to be in a toxic relationship without even being aware that the relationship is toxic. “In a toxic marriage or romantic relationship, people are often told that the reason their partner is so angry, upset, unloving, or abusive toward them is because of something they did to cause it,” says Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, a psychologist based in Denver. It’s similar within a toxic work environment, where your boss will imply or outright state, The reason we are treating you this way is because you are not doing a good enough job. Regarding toxic romantic relationships, a key indicator is the marked difference between how your partner speaks to you in public versus private.